4 Reasons Why People Don’t Live With Purpose and, 4 Remedies to Fix It
Do you have purpose?
It's a question that holds the key to a truly transformative life. Purpose isn't just a lofty concept; it's the guiding force behind meaningful relationships, profound change, and personal growth. Yet, for many, it remains elusive.
Over the years I have had the opportunity to work with many executive and senior level leaders. You know what I have found, only a small minority of them are able to clearly define and state their purpose. The majority fall victim to one, or several, of the following four barriers preventing them from embracing, defining, and stating their purpose.
The 4 Common Reasons People Don’t Live With Purpose
Lack of Clarity: Without a clearly defined purpose, we drift through life in a state of transaction, rather than transformation.
Our Self-Image: We hesitate to share our purpose, fearing judgment or rejection.
Fear of Failure: Specifying our purpose means we also specify the possibility of failure in living it. Yet, failure is not the opposite of purpose; it's a crucial part of the journey.
Ignorance: Many have never even considered the idea of purpose, missing out on its profound impact on our lives.
But there's hope. By addressing these barriers head-on, we can unlock the power of purpose and embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth. I want to share the four remedies I have been able to help countless leaders apply in their journey of becoming catalysts for transformation.
However, it is important to first note the need for purpose in our lives. Without purpose, we have nothing, without meaning, we are dead. Perhaps not literally dead, although that might be true for some, we are emotionally and mentally dead. Purpose is everything, which is why I believe all of us have purpose even with the four barriers described here.
It is a matter of harnessing purpose, being intentional about it, and unleashing it in our lives.
Transaction is the opposite of transformation, and when we live without purpose, we succumb to the transactions that can so swiftly consume our lives. We get caught going through the motions and days go by without any intentionality on our growth or development. Days turn to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years.
I had a friend once, who upon visiting his elderly father in his final years, learned a valuable lesson from him. Let me share it with you.
In one of his final visits with his father before passing, my friend entered the room where his father was resting. His father, slow to get up and wincing slightly in aches and pains, sat up to face his son as he always would when visitors came. Patiently, my friend softly said, “What’s wrong pops, are things going really slow for you here?” To which his father promptly replied, while slowly shaking his head, “No son, in fact the older I get the more I realize how fast life goes by… While I have lived a good life, I am realizing there is so much more I could have done.” Then looking up at my friend he made a profound comment,
“Son, don’t waste a minute not living with purpose.”
Nearly 15 years ago my friend told me this story, I was barely in my 20’s, but it rocked me. A short year later, and after months of intentional self-discovery, I was able to define, write down, and state my purpose. Of which has continued to guide my life and inform every major decision I have made. It is the centerfold of my heart and connects me to each and every day with intentionality. I want to share my purpose with you, but first let’s consider the remedies to the four barriers described previously: Lack of clarity, our self-image, fear of failure, and ignorance.
The Four Remedies
Define Your Purpose: Take the time to articulate your purpose in 20 words or less. Write it down and make it clear, concise, and powerful.
Many of us, if asked do we have purpose, would feel inclined to raise our hand and say yes. However, when it comes to defining it simply and clearly, then what? I have been amazed working in corporate America the amount of time, energy and resources that go into creating organizational purpose i.e. vision/mission statements, yet, as individuals we do not give even a fraction of the equivalent to creating a vision/mission statement—purpose, in our own lives.
How many of us wade in the waters of transaction, so close to the shore of transformation, not knowing that simply defining our purpose and writing it down is the first step onto the sandy shoreline of transformational potential. Dive deep into your values, your passions, your interests, and most importantly; what makes you persistent. Pull from what you learn as you reflect on those things and then
WRITE IT DOWN.
The reason I say 20 words or less is not scientific, rather something I have noticed in helping people define their purpose as a way to keep it succinct, simple, clear, and powerful to them. This now leads to the second concern.
2. Share Your Purpose: Don't be afraid to share your purpose with others. Embrace vulnerability and let your purpose guide your actions.
If you have purpose, never be afraid to share it. Not in the sense of needing acknowledgment or attention because of our purpose. If that is the reason, then our purpose may perhaps be shallow and oriented unauthentically. Rather, when we are not afraid to share our purpose, it simply indicates that we are unapologetically committed to it.
It convinces us that the purpose is meaningful enough, deep enough, and strong enough to us it helps us face our fears. Even the fear of speaking it into existence. If we are afraid to share it, it may point us to a deeper problem addressed in concern three—the fear of failure.
When we have gone through the trouble and done the work of defining our purpose, put it out into existence, actualize it, and manifest it. This starts by being willing to share it. In fact, some of the most powerful, even sacred experiences I have had with strangers are when they open up with one another and share their personal purposes after having defined it for the first time.
3. Embrace Failure: Understand that failure is not the end but a steppingstone on the path to success. Use it as a tool for growth and learning.
There have been leaders I have worked with, pen to paper, nearly shaking in hesitation to write out their purpose statement. Not because they don’t have one, but because they fear that in actualizing it and putting it out into existence they can now fail.
The truth is, they are right in thinking that way. As soon as we specify what success can look like, in this case our purpose, we at the same exact time specify what failure can look like. Everything has an opposite, therefore, whatever our purpose might be there is a juxtaposition—our failure.
Overcoming this fear is not easy, however, it starts with changing our perspective of failure to not be the opposite of purpose, rather part of the process in bridging the gap toward our potential. In this instance, our purpose. Embrace failure and fail forward. “Failing forward” is critical in getting you closer and closer to becoming the person you need to become to live out your purpose.
4. Seek Purpose: If you've never considered your purpose before, now is the time to start. Explore your values, passions, and interests to uncover what truly drives you.
In all my experience helping people and organizations develop and become clear about their “why”. I have felt the transformative power it brings almost instantly when you can begin defining it. It fills people with hope, motivation, and an indescribable newfound love for self.
Some of you reading this have experienced these deep connections to purpose before and you can likely relate. If you have not, I urge you to become obsessed with discovering your purpose in life so clearly you can, at a moment’s notice, state it with passion and power. Even if it is only stating it to yourself each day, it is worth it. Each day could be our last and living a life with hope for what is possible through our purpose is a much better way to live than the fear of what is probable because we lack purpose.
As final thoughts. Find your purpose, write it down—succinctly, make it bigger than yourself, and make it something that propels you to the best version of you each day. After all, that is all we have, the choice to be our best in every moment.
My Purpose: Give my heart to God by being an influence for good and establishing peace and service in the world.
Transformation is always about the journey, not the destination, and having purpose is the first step.
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